AFTER ACTION REPORT 02 : by Dave Nilsson

What happened out at sea


A report from Big Sea Chief Nyssyx to the Big Chief of the Free Folk and to Big Woman with Big Sword of Yendor.

We hear that many Corsair Folk coming to burn Yendor city. We live here now, so we tell Big Chief King that we will build boats and help to orc them pirates.

Boats are ready, other Folk coming to join in the big scrap, time for a Big Sea Chief to boss the boats. Big Chief not to be found (presumed drunk in ditch somewhere), so Shaman Jyrrix in charge. Several Folk rejected on grounds of being somewhere else, not being tall enough and not shouting loud enough, then I made Big Sea Chief.
Shaman drew the runes and muttered direly (as usual) - something about those who not fight for good of all in deep doo-doo.

As Big Sea Chief, presented plan to Yendor Folk - why fight pirates on water? More of us than them, city has big walls, let them land and kill them all. Them confounded by impeccable logic, but plan rejected by Big-Woman-Big-Sword and her sidekick Man-Who-Knows-About-Boats. Said something about bad for trade and that it make a rather boring game. (Not understand that one).
Then had talk with Short Hairies, Pointy Hats, Yendor Folk, Free Folk and an 'Other'. (We very diplomatic here. Tell 'Other' it going to die but not actually kill it there and then!) Some plan thing made - we go in, we kill pirates, we not die. Sound good to us. Then fancy tactical stuff for Free Folk. We go in on LEFT, we kill things, we not die. Man-Who-Knows-About-Boats clearly master tactician.

Fancy talk over so Free Folk then decide on important issue - what is battle cry to be at sea? Traditionalist faction hold for 'Orc! Orc! Orc!', but deemed to cause confusion amongst less-free folk at best of times. 'Engage the Enemy More Closely' come under consideration, but not really snappy enough. Then inspiration strikes when looking at Free Boats - 'Attack! Bash! Crush!' adopted as maritime battlecry. All ready and preparing for battle when Short'n'Hairy hands us coloured flags and say they for signalling to other ships. Much confusion. Best Free Folk minds consider the strange words that come with the flags and attempt to interpret them and eventually crack the code:
Red - Attack the enemy
Blue - Attack the enemy
Green - Attack the enemy
Brown - Attack the enemy
White - Sink the elf
Black - Shout defiantly from sinking boat.

Finally, everyone put to sea. Free Folk on tactically important left, elf on cowardly-well-away-from-free-folk right, everyone else in the middle. All Folk warned to watch out for Dwarf boat as suspected that would have trouble turning better than runaway waggon. Pointy Hats sailing in boat of outlandish décor, some Folk questioned sexuality of men in such camp boat, pointing out that they wear dresses, too. Suppressed such talk, reminding Folk that should not meddle in the affairs of wizards, as they are unsubtle and quick to anger. Free Boats entered straits well-spaced, but in shouting range (much better than waving flags around) and headed forwards towards pirates.

Not done this boat stuff before, but treated like hunting. Watch prey, see how it behaves, wait for it to choose course of action, then blatt it! Pirates came on right next to each other and charged forwards fast. Showed importance of shouting at other ships when lots of pirates bang into each other. (Folk like that, much cheering). We keep going forward steady and let pirates bash each other, realise that killing pirates like hunting big chargey animal like buffalo. As Big Sea Chief I in front of other Folk, so wait until pirate close then just steer sideways, him keep running in straight line, we ram big spike into side of him - first blow of battle struck by Free Folk! Shout at other Folk to get stuck in before pirates sort themselves out and all give serious welly. Pirate boats bit faster than Free Boats, but we got lots of fighters and archers - archers very good as pirates not seem to know how to fire bows (may be all those hooks they have instead of hands give them trouble). Lots more of them than of Folk, but get in each other's way and seem to have trouble steering, so Folk keep shooting and ramming. They sink one of our boats (Flag system works! Commander shouts defiantly from sinking boat!) but we sink one of theirs and more Folk are arriving to help. Lots of pirates attack elf and we cheer, but elf manages to get away. (Boo!) Pirates run away at this point and we all go back to city to fix boats for if they come back.

Free Boats all fixed quicker than Yendor boats (maybe because all Free Boats either fine or sunk), so Folk decide we need more bowmen on boats, as pirates don't have. All stand at front because we told that bit of boat called the bow, so obviously where they meant to be. Now have six Free Boats all ready to go and lots of spare fighting Folk, so suggest to Man-Who-Knows-About-Boats that we send them to island to shoot at badly steered pirates. Lots of Folk get on merchant boat and Short Hairies give us folding castle, so this looks fun. Man-Who-Knows-About-Boats says now Folk attack on left and sink pirates. Sound good to us, another tactical masterplan.

Pirates have leaned from watching Folk and turn up with more spaces so fewer hit each other. I lead Free Boats and ram pirate head-on (first blow from Free Folk again!). Unfortunately lots of Folk are too eager and try to jump onto pirate boat when it too far away. I hear there is something called swimming, must find out about it sometime. Boat bit dented, but still working fine, main trouble is too many boats in way to move properly! Big Sea Chief show pirates how to steer, we hit no-one despite mess all round, archers keep killing pirates. Some pirates learn bad idea to tie boat to sinking Free Boat - Free Boat sink, but it take pirates with it! Looking to other side of channel, we see Pointy Hats make big lightning hit pirates and pirates run away, then Short Hairies use big machine to make pirates burn. (Short Hairies good at making clever things like this - they ok. They think elf rubbish, too, proves they ok).

Free Folk are bashing pirates happily on left - have to dodge Short Hairies coming through, but everyone remembers to get out of their way, then huge great Yendor Boat comes through. All Free Boats keep bashing pirates, but they run away now - most boats have very few pirates on, because we Folk are good bowmen. Free Folk victorious! Hurrah! All head back to Yendor for really big feast and ludicrous quantities of ale!

We have boats now, seems we can use them just as good as pirates, so seems to me, Big Sea Chief, that we go raid people on sea too! This pirate lark look easy to me, we tougher than wimpy corsairs, so we be better pirates.

Arrrr! Pieces of eight! Attack! Bash! Crush!
Orc! Orc! Orc!

 

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